“Daddy, who is that woman?” My heart sank as I heard one of my young daughters, barely into her toddler years, ask that question as she looked at a nude picture of a woman on my computer screen. Guilt and shame as I’d never felt before washed over me as I realized that my sin was about to stain one of my children’s hearts. I knew I had to get help. My teammate on the mission field pleaded for me to do so when I confessed my secret porn addiction to him a few weeks before. My wife also knew of my struggle, but even my recent confession to her of my sin against her and God had not stopped the craving for that ever-diminishing guilt-ridden pleasure. But my child’s innocent question broke down any remaining illusion that I could gain victory over this sin alone. And so began my journey back into the light.

It’s been 16 years since I took the first step and called our member support team at our mission’s headquarters. Thankfully, our mission had a forward-thinking policy that if we self-reported this type of moral failure, then there was hope for restoration to the work of
medical missions overseas. But that required serious work in professional counselling and close accountability with my pastor. It took months of counseling, accountability, and difficult soul work before I would finally discover the insidious roots of this sin.
I would encourage you to reach out as I did. What they say is true; you cannot get out of that world alone.