
When Helping Hurts
March 25, 2025

“The Lord said to me, ‘Go, show your love to your wife again, though she is loved by another and is an adulteress. Love her as the Lord loves the Israelites…’” (Hosea 3:1, NIV).
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We’ve been able to control his aggressive chronic lymphocytic leukemia for four to five years. It’s been difficult to do, as he misses medicines for prolonged periods due to his drug addiction. He falls off the wagon for weeks, but then he finally returns—we start over, and he improves. I speak with him and pray for him and continue to hope he can finally overcome his addiction, but he just keeps failing.
There was a book published in 2009 entitled When Helping Hurts that describes how helping the poor might actually harm them if not done correctly.
It cautions us against hurting those we serve.
What about those we serve hurting us?
What about all the times we raise our hopes, again and again, hoping the person we care about might finally succeed or overcome, only to see them fail once more?
It hurts.
Why am I doing this Lord, if nothing ever changes?
I suspect a number of us help patients, friends or family with behavior or sin issues. We are deeply committed to improving their lives. We are lifted up by moments of hopeful change…and then watch them fail again.
Sometimes I get tired and ask God if I can let them go.
How many times should I let my hope rise and fall before I decide to walk away so I might have peace?
Then God thumps me: this question seeking escape forces me into another question. Has God placed me in the lives of those in need for my peace or for their redemption?
Hosea never gave up on Gomer.
Jesus never gave up on Peter.
God never gave up on Israel. The incarnation was a fulfilling, not an ending.
God has never given up on me.
Based on God’s Word, my default position should be that I never let go of hope and never quit helping one whom God has placed on my heart unless God tells me to cease.
The question of managing my hurt is another issue.
Dear Father,
Bless and change the ones you send me to serve.
Amen