A growing trend is emerging in America for young adults to cancel their parents, opting for “no or low contact” relationships. A recent study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family states, “More than 25% of young adults in the US are estranged from one or both parents, or have been….”[1] Another study by Pillemer, et. al, at Cornell states that at any given time “10% of the U.S. population is estranged from a parent or child….”[2]

In Luke 15:11-32, Jesus told a parable about a son who canceled his father, while ancient mythology includes numerous tales of dysfunctional family relations, so the problem is clearly not a new one, but research indicates these conflicts may be on the rise. While the numbers quoted above are staggering, a YouGov poll from 2025 showed that in a survey of 4,400 people, the 25 percent figure had risen to 38 percent.[3]^,[4]

What is responsible for this rise? It’s hard to know for sure, and there are likely several contributing causes. Perhaps the biggest is a growing sense of individualism and fracturing of long-held alliances throughout society. Social media and the trend of blaming others for almost everything are certainly at play as well.

The rise of seeking counsel from professionals who come at problem-solving from widely divergent and often atheistic worldviews, is also likely a factor. In one survey, one-third of estranged parents blame the professional counselors their children reached out to for a large part of the decision to cancel or distance themselves from their parents.[5] Others in the psychology world deny this, claiming no reputable therapist would directly push for such drastic solutions, and stating this would go against the tenets of their profession.[6] They maintain that adult children, instead, have become enlightened, educated and empowered to examine their flawed upbringing, and now they are taking appropriate steps to rectify their problematic lives. The author of the referenced article, however, offers no concrete evidence for her opinion. She clearly is not sitting in on the counseling sessions that may be at the root of this problem.

Others in the family therapy arena also note that therapists are often quick to accept their clients’ versions of reality, their truth, and accept it as fact, without pushing back to uncover the real facts of complex family relationships played out over the years. “My truth” or “your truth” are not necessarily true; instead, they are the perceptions of flawed (aren’t we all?) individuals accumulated over time. In the case of therapy, the client is often seeking counsel because of their own confusion, anxiety, depression or disappointment with life, and they may be framing their stories so as to have their preformed opinions validated. Is it reasonable to fully accept their versions of reality given their current states of distress?

For the adult client seeking therapy, a gentle nudge in the direction of cutting ties may be all that is needed for them to proceed. Therapists may be attempting to be neutral listeners, but if they operate from the assumption that going no or low contact in parental relationships is a reasonable, healthy choice, their bias may taint their advice. In the same way divorce has become normalized in America over the last century, parental cancellation is also becoming normalized.

Social media now has champions of parental liberation. A simple YouTube, Instagram or TikTok search will produce numerous examples of modern gurus encouraging young adults to throw off the shackles that have bound them to harmful parents. They are not pointing to true physical, sexual or psychological abuse. In those situations, permanent distancing may be the only hope for recovery. They are critiquing the imperfections that real parents have, while downplaying the part the children may have played in this history. What at one time was recognized as normal human error is now labeled as trauma. Concomitantly, a new online industry of other mental health experts is present to help injured parents through their pain. Two influencers I recommend are Dr. Amy Todey (dramytodey) and Katt Podia (makeitmakesense) on Instagram. Dr. Todey is a Harvard-trained psychologist who blogs extensively on Instagram on the topics of family dynamics and estrangement. Katt Podia holds a master’s degree from University of Southern California and has 25 years of experience in clinical counseling.

So, what else has brought this new wave of estrangement on us? Nicholeen Peck points to four “untruths” that have helped create cancel culture, which is essentially what parental estrangement is: “1) Always follow your feelings, 2) What doesn’t kill you makes you weaker, 3) There are good people and bad people, and 4) Good people only do good things and bad people only do bad things.”[7] Many young adults have bought into these lies and now view their entire childhood through these lenses. The minor childhood disappointments we all go through become real trauma in retrospect. Entitled children thus see every missed opportunity and every parental misstep as evidence not only of the unfairness of life, but of the failure of their parents. Unhappy people want someone to blame for their plight, and their parents frequently become the target of their animosity. As many people have said, “Hurt people hurt people.”

How long will it take for the adult child to recognize that their parents, being human, made human mistakes and were not maliciously bent on the child’s pain and dissatisfaction with life? The answer is unclear, but it depends on a number of determinants: the personality of the child, the parent, the relationship, the extent of the current unhappiness and other factors. Tina Gilbertson estimates, “1) nine years on average, 2) five-plus years for mothers, 3) seven-plus years for fathers, and 4) Less than five years in most cases.”[8] In some cases, it may never happen. However, postponed or delayed reconciliation may have many negative consequences with long-term ripple effects that hurt a wide circle of family relationships. The children of the estranging adult parent will see their parents’ behavior as a model for their own relationships. The best predictor for how their children will treat them and others over time is the way they are treating their parents. Siblings may get caught up in the conflict as well and be forced to choose sides. Finally, parents or children may die before reconciliation occurs, leaving the survivors with long-term guilt and remorse.

An irony is the adult child who claims to be a Christian and yet shows consistent disrespect for their parent by their disenfranchising behavior. Not only is this a direct sin against the biblical commandment to honor your parents, but it flies in the face of passages in Proverbs and other Old and New Testament books. Consider the stories of Joseph, Esther, Ruth, David and Jesus Himself.  While some may see no and low contact behavior as boundary setting, unless there was true malicious parental behavior, this more likely represents a hurting child looking for someone to blame and labeling normal human behavioral flaws as willfully induced injury.

Some see this phenomenon as a fulfillment of end-time prophecy. 2 Timothy 3:1-2 states, “…in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy” (ESV). The word entitlement captures much of this, and a complete lack of gratitude for years of love expressed in many real and sometimes imperfect ways appears to be at the heart of much of the estrangement movement. The child essentially says, “I deserved a more perfect parental upbringing than I received.”

Joshua Coleman, a psychologist in private practice in the San Francisco Bay area and a Senior Fellow with the Council on Contemporary Families, endured parental estrangement from his daughter for several years. He points out, “Estranged parents are held to a standard for reconciliation that is often both unfair and unrealistic. Healing relationships requires that the adult child acknowledge their contribution to problems and solutions. Grace, not moral condemnation, helps families shift more safely.”[9] He goes on to say that the canceled parent may begin to heal by focusing on several key factors: “Learning the art of self-compassion and self-soothing has to come first. Reflection should come from understanding, not self-torture. Healing doesn’t always mean reconciliation; it means redefined identity.”[10]

My advice to children who choose to cancel their parents: get over yourself. Your parents were and are flawed humans, just like you, who were likely doing the best they could with the knowledge and skills they had at the time. Seek reconciliation before you do more damage than you have already done.

My advice for parents who still have healthy relationships with their adult children: be gentle with the struggling canceled parents. It may be easy to blame the estranged parents for their historically poor parenting or for their current responses to their children, but estranged parents don’t need pity, judgment or unsolicited advice. And just because your healthy family is communicating well now does not mean you might not struggle in the future.

My advice to estranged parents: 1) pray daily for your children and for your own attitude; 2) reflect on your past behaviors, but don’t be quick to assume inappropriate blame; 3) seek help from godly friends, appropriate counselors or sound support groups (be careful in choosing any of these); 4) don’t rush in to try and fix things; and 5) be patient with yourself and with your adult child. Most canceling children eventually do come around.

[1] https://nypost.com/2026/07/21/lifestyle/one-third-of-parents-with-estranged-children-blame-therapy-for-rift/

[2] https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/are-therapists-to-blame-for-the-rise-of-adults-    cutting-off-their-parents/ar-AA28mc4yThe Wall Street Journal

[3] https://en.sedaily.com/international/2026/07/23/cut-ties-with-your-mother-how-us-family-estrangement-spread]

[4] https://ygo-assets-websites-editorial-emea.yougov.net/documents/Family_Estrangement_poll_results.pdf

[5] https://nypost.com/2026/07/21/lifestyle/one-third-of-parents-with-estranged-children-blame-therapy-for-rift/

[6] https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/conquering-codependency/202411/whos-really-behind-the-rise-in-family-estrangements

[7] https://teachingselfgovernment.com/parenting-blog/canceling-parents-has-negative-consequences/

[8] https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/constructive-wallowing/201908/how-long-does-parent-child-estrangement-usually-last

[9] https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-rules-of-estrangement/202512/10-things-estranged-parents-are-told-theyre-doing-wrong

[10] https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-rules-of-estrangement/202602/the-first-task-of-estrangement-stabilize