“The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me…He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted…to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning…” (Isaiah 61:1-3, NIV).

She stood at the bedside of her son, who was lying there with a rapidly progressive and likely fatal illness. Her husband sat across the room with their 6-week-old infant grandson. It was a family meeting to address needs and develop care in the home. Our chaplain was present and asked the question, “How are you doing spiritually?” The father replied, “I was very angry for a while, but I’m a Christian and okay now.” The mother replied, “I’m thankful. I’m thankful for his life with us, thankful for each day we have to spend with him, however many left—another possible Thanksgiving, another possible Christmas. Whatever time we have, I am thankful to God for each day.”

How do we handle great loss?

There are so many skills we should develop for ourselves and share with patients or loved ones. But this mother’s lesson is paramount. Rather than focusing on the severe and legitimate loss she was about to endure, she focused on her gratitude for having even one more day with her son. And she did not do so as a psychological defense method; she did so out of deep love for her son and deep trust in the God who created him.

John Claypool was a minister of the gospel who lost his daughter to leukemia when she was 10 years old. He loved her deeply and felt his loss deeply and profoundly, describing his journey in a book of sermons he published under the title, Tracks of a Fellow Struggler.

One of his conclusions reflects the same deep truth this mother presented to me: “I have two alternatives dwelling on the fact that she has been taken away: I can dissolve in the remorse that she is gone forever; or focus on the wonder that she was given to us at all; I can be grateful that we shared life, even for an all-too-short 10 years.”

Winnie the Pooh put it more succinctly, “How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.”

Dear God,

When I face the painful work of letting go, help me overcome the pain with gratitude for the moments I have had with all that I am losing.

Amen