“I am too ashamed and disgraced, my God, to lift up my face to you, because our sins are higher than our heads and our guilt has reached to the heavens” (Ezra 9:6, NIV).

I was headed home from an incredibly long, hard and fast-paced day. I actually felt good I had maneuvered it so well without being short or irritated with anyone. Half way home, a friend called needing a ride, a friend who had called me frequently for rides, and financial support, and time away from my family. I had always helped when he called, always with the goal of bringing him to Christ. But this time, as I thought of losing an hour from home life after a brutal day, I grew angry. When I picked him up, I was harsh with him and told him I would need to draw boundaries in my care for him. I dropped him off at his home and told him I was sorry I had been unkind.

Sometimes I grow complacent about the sin in my life. I walk with the Lord and feeling good about myself, often satisfied with my level of service for others.

But, oh, the real me inside.

After the above event, the next morning during my morning run, I tried to sort out the sin basis within me that led to my outburst. I had been angry and unkind, but that was not the root of it.

The sin basis that led to my anger was selfishness. I saw my time at home slipping away, and I was selfish with that hour lost.

Controlling time is one of my hidden idols. I can do all kinds of good things as long as it’s on my own time schedule. Serving others is usually easy for me if I plan it ahead, when it’s convenient, but not so much when my plan for time is disrupted. I have within me a deep and strong selfishness that worships at the idol of time—and it hurts my witness for Christ.

God created time for His purpose. Then I “…exchanged the truth about God for a lie, and worshipped and served created things rather than the Creator…” (Romans 1:25, NIV).

God confined us to the constraints of time on this side of glory. Those constraints can be used for His kingdom or for ours. It’s a choice. It’s a question of surrender.

Later that evening, I called my friend and asked for forgiveness.

I then asked God for His forgiveness and thanked Him for the cross that swept away even the guilt of this unkindness.

Dear Father,

Continue to cleanse and change me. Thank you for the cross.

Amen